Wednesday, May 4, 2011

nominal value

i am already a terrible blogger. many draft posts, nothing published. story of my life. but it's 6:57am and i know i'll be late if i don't get in the shower by 7. so in the meantime...

i call this one "eehhhhhn!"

meet sergeant cowboy (the handsome man) and marmite (the bun). we don't always have cages around our belongings, but there are a bajillion wires against that wall that marmite really shouldn't be nibbling on. he is eating an apple by the way, not my cowboy's finger. we're trying to teach him to be a bloodthirsty killing machine, but he seems to be more interested in napping in his litter box. gross. and why yes, we do need a new camera. this one, please.'s 7:04! late to work again.

Monday, April 25, 2011

fancy schmancy

today at work, wearing an ensemble comprised of a kohl's shirt for $5, target tights for $2.50, a thrift store lace skirt that cost $6, and some high heels bought on extreme clearance (i don't remember what price), a very stylish co-worker stopped me to say "wow, you're always SO anthropologie!"

which i took as a big compliment on my $30 outfit since anything from anthropologie is significantly out of my budget. i own one shirt from there, bought with a gift certificate on final clearance, and it's too small for me now anyway.

but i think i'm starting to figure out this whole "fake it till you make it" thing.

that is not me.

this is me. wearing ugly shoes.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

love potion number 9

i have a few secret weapon recipes (mostly of the dessert variety as i have little interest in eating like an adult), and this is the best of the best. a few people have suggested at one point or another that i put together a cookbook, which is very flattering... but i can't ethically do that as all of my recipes have origins in other peoples' recipes. usually i take a few ideas from other recipes and combine them into some grand ridiculous dish like my double crust apple pie that literally stews in several cups of butter while it bakes (the ultimate healthy treat), or if i'm on my own i just put ingredients that were never meant to be together all into a bowl over a bed of spinach, douse them in salt, and devour the whole frankenstein concoction at disgustingly fast speeds. the other night sergeant cowboy had to work late, so i made a "salad" of leftover corn and hominy (if you haven't had hominy, get your butt over to your nearest bodega and buy a can. it's divine), tomatoes, cheese... and instant mashed potatoes. over spinach. topped with steak seasoning. before you gag, i should mention that it was delicious.

but as usual, i digress...
while most of my recipes are hybrids, either out of laziness to actually obtain/prepare all the ingredients or stubborn desire to modify and edit everything even if it's already just fine, this one is just perfect as it is.
these cookies are the best you'll ever have. they will bring you joy, forgiveness, gratitude, and love. i'm not even kidding.

actually, i do have one edit. i have never put the white chocolate on the top; while i can't get enough sugar, sergeant cowboy has been known to call desserts "too sweet" before. he's nuts.
but these are really sweet already... especially because i use milk chocolate chips instead of the standard semisweet. so if you're feeling lazy you have my encouragement to upgrade the chocolate chips and then skip a step, thereby shortening the agonizing waiting period between starting the recipe and eating the results of the recipe. in their entirety. when your fiance isn't looking.

in american english, the apostrophe goes before the closing quotation

i keep putting off my first blog post, even though i set this whole thing up a month ago. what's the big deal i don't know, mostly this compulsion to have something dramatic and VERY VERY important to say. like my solution for the crisis in the middle east or how i've actually discovered how to lose weight by drinking beer and eating cheese all day.

actually, since i took a fairly sedentary office job, embraced the practice of consuming strong bourbon-aged stouts on a regular basis, discovered that sergeant cowboy's love of cotswald cheese is 100% spot on, and completely lost interest in the gym, i have LOST 5 pounds. so maybe i am on to something after all? cora's famous lazy-cheese-and-beer weight loss miracle diet. i'll be rich! but that's beside the point.

i guess what i'm trying to say, besides absolutely nothing, is that this is a spot for me to showcase exactly what the title says: i just think lots of things are neat. it's also one of my favorite marge simpson quotes. i can really relate to marge, which i mean in a good way but my mother took it as a sign that i was feeling anxious and repressed. repressed, no. anxious, yes. but that's what the aforementioned beer and cheese are for.

as no one is currently reading this blog (which makes sense since there is absolutely no content whatsoever) it seems rather pointless to be writing to my "audience," but it's really more for me to get a sense of what i want to do with this whole thing. i started blogging about a decade ago, through a series of embarrassingly personal and depressing updates. i would write about all the things that made me sad for a while, reveal more than anyone ever wanted to know about what goes on in my head, and then get irritated with myself and delete the blog. create a new name, "start fresh," and repeat. so that's to be avoided. i'm not the attention-starved lonely 18 year old with no real sense of identity that i was one decade ago. i also don't wear nearly as much eye makeup.

oh right! my point. things i think are neat include: novelty desserts, colorful high heels i have no practical use for, adorable animals, knitting, sewing, funny things that sergeant cowboy says, the mundane and idiotic adventures of my dim-witted-and-lazy-even-for-a-rabbit pet bunny, planning my wedding, monacles, microbrews, cosmetics for redheads, deceptive advertising schemes, documentaries about obscure subjects, bragging every time i go to the gym as if it is a major accomplishment, literature from the industrial revolution, cellos, costumes, old abandoned buildings, the importance of good grammar, the many ways to cook a chicken, and so forth.

i hope you like it, random blog-viewer.